Damn, I really gotta start posting more often.
a) I got hired to write an episode of the new THUNDERCATS series for Warner Bros. Animation.
b) As a result, I've ended up with an honest-to-God credit on the internet movie database.
c) My graphic novel SHADOWLAW will be released in November of 2011.
d) Life is still tough for the fledgling writer in Hollywood.
Anyways, I've often been told I speak in gibberish, when the reality is that I'm not speaking in nonsense words, the general public simply has no idea of the definition of my personal language.
Instead of people recognizing the genius-level intellect it requires to develop a brand new language, they'd rather scoff in their inane feelings of linguistic adequacy.
I don't know where these words and phrases came from. Perhaps they were handed down to me by the Lord above for the sake of creating new standards of literacy.
However, if you know me personally, you've heard these words and you've understood their context. If you don't know me and happen to see me in public, feel free to use these words in a sentence.
I may not acknowledge you, but at least you'd have stepped into a bold new world.
THE EASTON LEXICON:
ABBA (ZABBA) - (noun): A phrase used to answer a question that I don't feel like answering or wasn't actually paying attention to.
Q - What did you think of the Real Housewives of Wherever-the-Fuck?
A - Abba.
FIZZNATTED - (adverb): A state of being inebriated or high (usually from marijuana).
I saw that dude drink a bottle of Colt 45, sniff a line of coke off a tranny hooker's balls, and then jack off outside of Toys R' Us, he was fizznatted!
GRIP-GRAPPLIN' (noun): A term used to describe a series of non-existent movies, usually used to determine the authenticity of a new associate.
ME - Did you ever see Grip-Grapplin' II? That was an incredible mix of Soviet agit-prop and French New Wave aesthetics!
FAKE PERSON - I heard of it, but I think I only saw the first one.
HEAD-DE-BLIBBER - (noun): Also a term used to deflect questions I consider to be extraneous or boring.
Q - Yo, did you hear about the new Lil' Wayne album?
A - Head-de-blibber.
JUICE - (adjective): A very curvy female, usually wearing a size 10-18 whose voluptuousness is 100% proportional to her height. Can also describe the level of her voluptuousness.
Damn, for a White girl, she got a lot of juice!
LEYPONT - (noun): Term for foreigner. Only pejorative in certain contexts. Originally a part of the phrase Leypont Denogon De Non Bon Beer Nut but shortened for clarity.
note: The phrase Leypont Denogon De Non Bon Beer Nut is actually uttered in the remix to the song "Close to You" by Maxi Priest (featuring Shabba Ranks). It is in the version where Shabba has a 1-minute freestyle and says a lot of Jamaican gibberish. I'm not making this up.
Those goddamn Leyponts keep getting away with welfare fraud!
LIL' WAYNE - (adjective): The worst thing I could ever call anyone. My version of the word "nigger, kyke, spic, chink, slope, mick, dago, fag, etc." If there is an opposite word to God, Heaven, Love, Holy Spirit, Jehova, Buddha, Jesus or Allah, it would be Lil' Wayne.
All those Lil' Waynes over there make all Black people look like street trash.
MR. SLIMPH - (noun): Term for a Black hobo or a Black man entirely unconcerned with modern fashion, technology or political realities.
Good ol' Mr. Slimph, he just don't care that he wears a diaper on the outside of his Spanx.
ROWFURPH SMOWFURPH - (noun/adjective): Term for senior citizen. Also can be used to describe their speech patterns which often sound like the word "rowfurph."
All these rowfurphs stink!
This is just the beginning of the Easton Lexicon.
Feel free to distribute.