Friday, November 27, 2009

The WORST thing you could ever ask a woman...

I recently got an email from an ex-girlfriend, I'm guessing it's because its the holiday season and people feel like reaching out and being nice. We exchanged superficial, polite emails and said it was "nice to hear from you" and went on with our day.

I hadn't spoken to "Mary" in quite some time and I remember the reason why. You see, about 6 years ago, I met Mary and we hit it off nicely. There was nothing romantic, but we had a lot in common, and in time, we started to see each other seriously.

That's a nice way to say we banged like the end of the world was coming. No pun.

In any case, we were on a date and Mary ran into a guy named Jamal, or Jimmy, or Jack or some dumb ass name that begins with a "J."

They exchanged pleasantries and the dude gave me a strange look. A familiar look, yet I had a hard time deciphering it at first.

He was a very nice, decent sort of fellow, but there was something in the look he gave me.

I know, you're thinking he was giving me the "gay" look, but that wasn't it.

It stayed in the back of my mind for the rest of the week. Then, it hit me.

So I asked Mary the worst question you could ever ask a woman --

Its not "how old are you?"

Its not "how much do you weigh?"

Its not even "how many guys have you slept with?"

I've asked those questions often, and its never broken up a relationship.

The worst question you could ever ask a woman is:


Some variation of that question will cause more problems than being a Jew in Afghanistan.

Now, women have asked me that question and I have answered honestly with "I've slept with roughly 40% of my female friends" and they know who they are and I am not ashamed.

But, when I see my ex-girlfriends with their new boyfriends, I give him the "yea, I banged her brains out, hope you're having fun with her now" look. That's the look I got from Mary's ex, and that's the look I hate getting when I am out with a woman I care about.

Needless to say, Mary was pissed beyond belief. She accused me of calling her a "dirty whore" although I never called her a dirty whore, I just wanted to know how many guys we would run into that would give me that uncomfortable look. I can tolerate a lot, but I don't like being reminded that the chick I care about has had more twirls on the old merry-go-round than Marilyn Monroe with the Kennedy boys.

Guys, YOU know what I'm talking about, and suddenly I am aware of why so many of my ex-girlfriends have gone through great lengths to stay away from me once they get into serious relationships. I thought it was because I can be a stone cold @$$hole sometimes, but the reality is that they know what their man is going to ask them the minute I get out of earshot -- "You SLEPT with THAT guy?"

To me, that's hilarious.