Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Here we go...

I don't even know where to begin with this stuff. The basics... my name is Brandon Easton... born and raised in the greatest American city on Earth: BALTIMORE, MARYLAND. Went to Ithaca College, Boston University, and Lehman College (one of the shittiest schools in the world) and I am now a teacher and professional writer living in the Bronx.

I have as many enemies as friends. I don't know why. I am a nice guy. But I don't like stupid people. And the world is overpopulated by underachievers, low-brows, and people whose depth of thinking include reality television and arguments about that dumb ass Flavor Flav show.

I love science-fiction and tend to believe that people who don't like science-fiction are idiots. Why? Because they are. That's all I have to say about that.

Let's see... what else?

I am damn tired of a lot of things.

I am tired of people being afraid of disciplining asshole teenagers, I am tired of people who use those annoying two-way radio cell phones (since when did everybody become a fucking paramedic or police officer?). I am tired of Republican neo-conservatives who pretend NOT to be bigoted, classist, sexist, materialistic, and war-mongering jerks who only care about their own empty, closeted, and shallow lives.

I am tired of men becoming metrosexuals or whatever the hell that means. It sounds entirely too gay. And on that note, I am tired of people accusing black men of being on the "down low" all the time. Black guys who might be secretly gay DIDN'T start this situation. Men have been gay for centuries. Thousands of years actually. Black guys didn't start it, didn't perpetuate it, and certainly aren't the only ones.

In fact, I have heard stories of white guys being on the "down low" for a long time *cough cough* BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN??? DUH! You think that was an isolated story? Think again. That "down low" crap has been around for a long, long time, and it wasn't Black men who perfected it. I know lots of black dudes, and if any of them are secretly gay, they are doing a fantastic job of hiding it. Either way, I ain't gay, so it doesn't really affect me after all.

And of course, I save my considerable wrath for the fairer sex. Yes, women, you have a lot to answer for. First off, why the hell have women become stupider than ever before? I don't mean that in the sexist way it sounds. I mean it in the sense that I grew up around intelligent women. I saw my mom, grandmothers, aunts, etc... not make incredibly stupid choices in their personal lives.

Why is this an issue with me?

Because women GIVE BIRTH TO OTHER HUMANS! And if that woman is an idiot or has sex with an idiot and gets pregnant, there is another idiot bastard walking around who makes life harder to live for everyone else.

First off, ladies, if you need to know how to avoid a man who is a bum, please follow this simple guide to AVOIDING MEN WHO WILL TREAT YOU LIKE CRAP:

1) If he doesn't have a job, leave him.
2) No matter how hot his body or face is, if he can't hold an intelligent conversation with you, leave him.
3) If he spends too much time working out or has been in prison, he probrably has sex with men, leave him.
4) If he has a lot of kids by a lot of different women, why are you giving him a chance to make you the next disgruntled chick? Leave him.
5) If he does drugs other than weed and alcohol, leave him.
6) If he seems needlessly violent, or gets upset quickly over nothing, leave him. Don't think he will change just because you sleep with him whenever he wants sex.
7) If he seems jealous of your success in life, leave him.
8) If he lives with his momma at the age of 30 or above, leave him.
9) If he is married, leave him.
10) If he is slightly overweight, has multiple college degrees, loves science-fiction, and is somewhat funny, give the guy a chance. You never know how good he might be in bed.

In any case, I probrably made a few more enemies. But hey, Bill Cosby was right!


noir said...

what's up son? my boy told me about yr blog. can't stand the yankees either. good to see u doing okay. i've been in japan for a minute. hit me up when u get a minute. my email addy is alto.road@gmail.com check my blog: http://blog.dzinedbymills.com/noirgaijinsensei/

hope you're doing well. one. darryl wharton.

bweckie said...

hey brandon. loved reading ur advice for women.hehe. esp # 10...u know anyone u can hook me up wt like that? hmmm... :) but i have to say, there are single moms out there who made that choice to have a child on their own from the beginning and have brought up well-rounded, sensible human beings. not all out-of-wedlock, fathered-by-bum-BFs kids are mistakes, i should say. any life brought into this world is a gift, i believe. but i agree with you in the sense that women should make intelligent decisions right from the beginning...and i think i already made one :)